It makes me so happy to know that whenever I share these links on free education, books and resources online, people not only learn a lot from it but are often generous enough to share it with their friends and other folks online. It goes positively viral. That’s the beauty…
I really felt the ticking clock today.
I don’t know why today felt like such a weird day. It’s like realizing the imminence of your own demise, except I know exactly when mine is coming. Because the second that she gets accepted to Yale, it’s over. It’s just… my life is over. I love her so much and I don’t want this to be over and I hate this I hate this I fucking hate this.
My life isn’t over. I’m being melodramatic. But this is going to kill me a little bit. A part of my soul will die when she leaves, and that’s the price I pay for going into this.
She told me the Alex Smith bus story today. I feel so uncomfortable in those situations because I’m a flaming lesbian and her bisexuality is just… not something that I can relate to? I know that she only has eyes for me, but when she talks about jerking him off in the back of a bus, I can’t help but be a little jealous (jealous in the sense of feeling like something I have is going to be taken away from me, I’m not envious of the handjob) and anxious and just fucking depressed.
We’re going to have sex before she leaves. It’s going to happen, no question. I really… I’m accepting of that fact. I’m going to lose my virginity at 15 or 16 to a girl I love. And that’s okay. As long as we’re smart and ready and consenting humans, it will be fine.
I really do love her. So much. With all of my heart.
It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right?
I’m beginning to question that. I would rather love and not lose, of course.
Goddamnit this is going to kill me.
I took the train down today. We sat at the coffee shop and had chai. It was really yummy. We have a little spot near the library where we like to go. It’s on a big grassy hill and the sunlight is just beautiful, and we’re right under a tree, so we get a bit of shade.
We just… did what we do. Sat. Talked. Kissed. Did a minimal amount of homework.
I love her so much. The way her eyes… and her smile.
And the idea that I get her? Out of everyone in the world? It’s absurd.
We’ve started doing more than kissing. It’s… fun. It’s really fun. It’s all new, though, and I’m a little terrified, to be perfectly honest. I’m so worried that I’m going to fuck it up that it’s a bit hard to just enjoy it.
Hoooly shit. Okay.
Rita and I were making out and oh dear jesus lord i am a horny teenager.
She’s kissing my neck, and my ear, and my collarbone and fucking shit she’s touching my boobs and i just feel like i’m going to explode with lust.
Oh my god i want to make her feel good.
this is gross
no it’s not
because sex is a normal part of life.
everything means nothing to me
everything means nothing to me
everything means nothing to me
everything means nothing to me
everything means nothing to me
everything means nothing to me
everything means nothing to me
whoops i just drunk so much vodka
i feels weirsd
i think ii’m drunk
so this is what beign drunk feels like
i’m not missing out on much, am ie?
